Savage


Noun

One does not think or care about the consequences of his or her actions.

And i have schizoid personality disorder now, cold hearted, dont even care about others.

Thats me, Afilia.

And i love myself.



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To Celebrate Raya with A Hectic Working Life

Hey assalamualaikum semua.

Just want to say that i am now physically present for working, but my heart and soul are somewhere else. Hahaha Gosh, this is totally torturing me. Cant wait to go back home soon. Baju raya tak beli lagi, kuih raya tak buat lagi and i even promise my whole family to cook on the first day of Eid. Two main dishes will be served during that day, nasi lemak and the other one is western, which, i promise to do by my own. So i was thinking a lot, what to cook, what to buy, when, where, stuff like that.

So day by day passed by, i am counting and waiting for Monday! Lepas kerja kita chow.

Menu listed in my head are, Shepherd Pie, Spaghetti Bolognese, Meatball with cheesy sauce, Wedges with cheese.. Yang lain macam ketupat, rendang segala bagai tu is a must la. Wajib tu time raya. Because im working now, so i would like to treat my big family with my own money. 

But, thing is, i'll be back home a bit late due to work stuff kat KL ni. And im sincerely hoping that by the time i wanna go back to my hometown, please please, no jam for me pleaseeeeee. Else, haha mati lah.

I was thinking to reward myself ( as i have been working hard for the past 4 months and my percentage of target keep on increasing yay me! ) with a Chuck Taylor shoes, i was thinking to buy a pink one (tapi macam gedik sangat lah pulak). Maybe blue? You like blue arent you? So you must love blue colours of my shoes later! Hahaha Or maybe red or maroon la. Tengok la. But it was confusing whether to buy Chuck Taylor or Vans. Arghhhh this working days while thinking of raya is totally killing me!!

Ehem.

This raya i decided to unhook myself from you. Starting today, i will not send you a message or even drop you a call or even to meet you in person. I realize something, i am actually getting tooooo close to you. Too into you. And i dont know why, i dont know the reason why is this happening, why you after all these days? But i still have the blue towel that you gave me on the plane, that last flight from Sarawak back to KL. That memory is still fresh in my head even after a year. Been so long lah. Aish when thinking about this, it kinda weird. Whatever it is, we just follow the flow lah kan. Biar je la. So from this week up to next week, or maybe, next two weeks, you will not see me as your first contact that always disturb you, day and night. But anyway i still want to give you one Raya message, day before raya. So, please wait for that. Nothing else now, just, all the best to you, be safe while going back to Pahang, enjoy the moment ( melemang, basuh carpet segala bagai :P ). Lepas cuti raya kita lepak lagi hokey? :) For now, let us focus to be the best servant to Allah, for the last 10 days of Ramadhan. I know you work hard on this as i am working hard to please Allah far more better than those days, alhamdulillah.

Last, do take care peeps, be blessed and may Allah reward us with Lailatul Qadr. Amin amin ya robbal alamin.

P/s dont judge or guess who is coming from Pahang :P

Till then, maassalamah!



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Hee



Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah syukran ya Allah.



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Better Life

I love my life now. I am sooo happy and i am too into you. Too late now. Too late. But whatever it is, lets cherish everything together okay?
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Hikmah Ramadhan

Bila tinta hati berbicara,
Terusik dek kerana pandangan mata,
Maka ketahuilah,
Tanda terusik itu,
Tandanya ada iman.

Melihatkan sang jejaka,
Berbaju lusuh,
Berseluar rugget,
Tali dan rantai perak,
Membaluti separuh jeans lusuh itu,
Rambutnya mengikut trend semasa, Mohawk,
Tajam, terpacak,
Namun masih warnanya hitam.

Dia mendekati tabungnya masjid,
Aku serik,
Minggu kelmarin, masjid itu,
Tabungnya dicuri,
Ya depan mataku ini semua terjadi,
Aku jadi tak keruan,
Aku jadi seriau,
Aku takutkan jejaki ini,
Seakannya dia mahu mencuri tabungnya masjid.

Rupanya..
Aku salah,
Aku hina,
Aku yang berdosa.

Jejaki ini,
Dengan senyap senyap,
Secara mencuri curi,
Melempar sejumlah wang kertas ke dalam tabung itu.

Aku sangat terkesan dengan perbuatan ini.
Secepatnya aku keluar dari masjid itu,
Ku hampiri keretaku,
Enjinnya aku hidupkan,
Aku termenung sendirian,
Pipiku basah.

Ya Allah, apakah hinanya aku,
Menilai orang sebegitu rupa.
Ya Allah, apakah berdosanya aku,
Menganggap yang bukan bukan padanya.
Ya Allah, apakah teruknya aku,
Sehingga begini sekali penangan Ramadhan kepadaku.

Ya Allah Allah mustaan,
Allah hu kareem,
Allah hu aalam.

Ampunkan dosa ku ya Allah.
Aku lemah.
Gantikan hati ku dengan hati yang baru.
Dengan apa jua cara sekalipun.
Aku mahu hati yang baru.

:"(
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It Tells Everything

Assalamualaikum guys and gals,

So tonight i am waiting for the right time to sleep, yeah i know, a major migraine is coming in, going to strike me soon, so at the meantime, i shall write something.

Last week, i was wondering around at the Seksyen 13 Shah Alam Bazaar, there were variety of food till i didnt know what to choose. That day i was searching for food, for both of us. Its not about food la for this entry but its about you.

When i called you many times, but you didnt pick the phone up, i was thinking that you played me very well. Because i dont even know where is the place that we were going to buka puasa together. So me being me, i asked a lot of people, still, i couldnt find the exact place. Then i bumped into one of your colleague (same attire la i guess, thats why i recognise), i followed him to the location.

And i found you.

To my surprise, there was a long queue of people, waiting to order their food. And, you were alone at that time.

There and then, you taught me something :

1. You taught me to deliver the best to your customer without even being clumsy or getting nervous. With the sweet smile on your face, you handled 10 customers at one time and you made me so proud of you. I'd listen something at that time, there was a customer that give you tips for you awesome service but you refuse to take. Instead you give the tips to your mengelat-colleague i should say.

2. Instead of getting mad and angry to your colleague, you even give the tips to him and just ignore him and you just do the best for your customer. You dont even complain about it, you dont even make a fuss about that, you just simply ignore it. This makes me even wow wow wow. Im so proud of you. Youre so kind and one kind in the world. Bukan senang just to simply let the things go because you have to layan those 10 customers all alone.

What a nice guy you are!

I should learn everything from you. Every single thing. Thanks for coming to my life, youre such an inspiring motivated person!

I keep thinking of this till at that night i even dream of you :') Thank you for the treat on the sneak peak of Now You See Me 2. Not even officially in the cinema but we watched it earlier than others. How awesome is that! Nice movie by the way, it is recommended to watch Now You See Me 2.

I wish to meet you again and again, everyday, can? :'') And please teach me everything that now you have taught me to become stronger and even stronger. You taught me to have that special awesome persona. Directly and indirectly.

Thank you so much, M. Thank you!!

Sincerely,

Fi
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A Nice Letter To Afilia

Dear Afilia,

I know you have come to a phase where you forgot your past and you fast forward it to the future,
I know you have taken one last look over the shoulder, and say goodbye to regrets, fear and shame,
I know what it feels like,
Its like youre having amnesia,
Which is good, good for you,
You tend to forget every single thing,
And start a brand new life,
You are turning yourself to the sun,
You are eager to face and celebrate whatever will come next,
You are now living in the present peacefully,
You got no grudge, you hold no enemies,
You must climb high up the mountain,
And left whatever that coz the negativity to you,
You have nothing to lose,
You are on your own,
You dont depend on anyone else in this world,
You are not pathetic as other human,
Who always happy to make other people suffer.

You have to remember,
Whatever you pray to Allah,
Allah will make it comes true,
Be it by a good result or as a test,
Afterall Allah knows the best for you.
Allah knows what is worth for you,
And what is not,
You deserve better in what condition per say.

I know there will be times you will be facing a hard time,
There will be some kind of shit happens in your life,
You are young, girl.
Young and free.
Its good to face all the challenges now,
You are stronger now,
Everything that happens,
Dont ever hold it,
Let it go for a while,
Then come back and settle it,
You have been sooo strong up to this moment,
You have gone through many thingss in your life,
On your own self,
And theres no one by your side,
Just so you know,
The strength comes from Allah the almighty,
And it might be coming from your parents' prayer,
And your happiest family and the valuable people surround you,
They are there for a reason,
And for that you have to be thankful.

Please climb up the mountain,
Slowly, bit by bit,
And believe you will make it to the top.
And at the top,
You will surely see,
Those pathetic one are suffering for their life in regreting something,
You can see them as undead, alive,
But reeking bodies.
They cannot move on from the past as what you did now,
They are living the life in the guilty,
They are reeking bodies.
But too bad, girl.
You still can smell it from the top.
But,
I promise you will be smiling and laughing out loud,
Because you know,
Karma or Allah's promises are aint no joke.

You got your own blood family,
You got your own company's family,
All the lecturers,
Beloved person,
Supportive friends,
Whatelse that you want?

All you have to do is to unleash your persona,
Work hard for your future,
Prove to those that you are in your own phase,
Until one day you can spit these words on their face,
Hey dude look at me, and look at you,
Youre sucha pathetic person,
Im pity of you.
Want to have piece of advices from me?
No, i bet you dont.

Haha
But afterall, congratulations, girl
You made it thus far.
So much lesson learnt.
And i believe theres so much more coming.

And you can do this!

The one that always be there for you, Me.

Last posting of da day wuhuuu, till then

Fi.
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Red Rose



Even if its not a bouquet de roses, but still its sweet as honey. Thank you for the rose while i was so busy doing my work that day. Never receive a flower from any guy before this. Haha

So i find this something new. Well you are that special and different from any typical man out there.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Faces like yours belong in the zoo
Oopsss dont be mad
I'll be there too
Not in the cage
But laughing at you

;)  

Kiddin (you know this right hihi)

Thank God, its Afilia.

Because this blog has been left for quite a long time, so i hope theres no one reading this. Else, haha malunyaa.

Okay daa,

Fi.

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Of Puasa and Iftar Moments Together

Salam Ramadhan Kareem.

Today is the last day of the holiday, so im going to write quite a lot (lol bajet macam ada orang nak baca je) haha. Never mind, because i write to express not to impress. I love reading back what ive been written for the past 10 years. So ill write a lot, ofcourse la if got free time loo. Afta this no more leisure time like thissssss.

Erm.

I have set up one rule for this Ramadhan, i cannot or am not allowed to post anything to my fb. Lol but i actively posting things on my instagram, siap nyanyi buat cover lagu lagi tuuu hahaha. But since someone told me to slow down a bit during this holly month, so yeah thats what ive been doing now la. To respect the holy month, to minimise doing any sins, to maximise the time doing things that pull me back to Allah. Alhamdulillah.

I dont mind going to tarawih alone, i dont mind people look at me like crazy (lol since i go out only using telekung, and its a walking distance from my house to the surau, so it might scare the people i guess) hahahhaa.

I dont mind anything now.

I got the superpower to ignore what people say about me. People will judge anyway. And who the hell am i to stop it? So i tend to ignore everything and hey lets enjoy every moments that we have. Soon we will not be here anymore in this world.

So here we go, the first week of Ramadhan's iftar and crazy time. Different time, different people, different places and different moments. And i cherish everything. Hihi










Why only these two people?
Haha because they are my favourite person now and forever hihi.


Okay la until next posting.

Fi.




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Aku

So irony when you have the most comfy bed in the world, with the cool airconditioner, nice blanket, but you couldnt sleep at all. Lol my bad because i slept for like 3 hours just now. Now im just waiting for my sahoor.

While waiting for that, i just simply plug in my earphone and now i kinda like the Ruth B's song named, Lost Boy. So cool huh the lyrics. And all the songs by Caprice, my one and only motivator.

And im kinda addicted to Wattpad now. Everything that i read may somehow help me in my write up.

Why so random haha lupa dah macam mana nak tulis blog.

Anyway, i am so blessed today alhamdulillah. Allah is the greatest planner of all. I make my family happy. Cant wait to go back to KL and rock the routine again. And be back at my home and yeah its Raya time.

And yeah cant wait to meet with you silly guy. Haha youre my addiction. Kinda addiction. I have lost in the world that you prepared for me. I wish the thin line between us still remain the same and we just inhabit all the moments that we have.

Make it alive.
Full with laughter.
Happiness.
Smile.
And crazy time.
Afterall, we got nothing to lose right?
Atleast we have something sweet to be remembered.
Lets cherish everything.

Eh hey in 2015, remember, when i was busy with my fyp, there was a time we discussed that you will be my partner when i go to Paris? Haha itll be soon. And i guess its you la the one that have to accomapny me there. So start saving your money haa. Or lets go hiking together one day? Its freeeeee Haha Or eat some big portion of food again? Tomorrow? Can? Haha

Sorry for the random thoughts. I just write what pops up in my head now. I dont know why this only fella comes in my head. Yeah i guess your prediction is true.

Oh God.

And at the moment, lets wake granny and grandpa up before imsak time comes. Haha else, ill be whacked by them this morning.

Last,

Mahu Kopi?
Teh?
Atau
Aku?

Hihi.

Till then,

Fi.



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Too Random To Write

Assalamualaikum guys and gals.

Since i am now waiting for all the guys to clear up from Shalah Jumaat, i end up waiting in the car because i am too shy to enter the mosque. Yeah its a blessed Friday today, alhamdulillah, so its kinda full with all the dudes.

So i just stay in my car and thats when i thought of writing something.

Alhamdulillah life couldnt be better than this. I have what i need. Good friends, good life, blessed and happiest family, great life, awesome backbone, good career and what else. Couldnt ask for more. Alhamdulillah.

I have come to a phase when i dont even care on what is happening around me. Who is talking bad about me, all the questions being asked, all the rumours etc. Not anymore.

Theres one hell person ( oops i should say nicest person ever la even the fact he is soooooooo dem annoying to me ), he helped me a lot in shaping me to who i am today (toughest of all).

Hes that kind when i say, hey lets hang out, he will definitely reply, yeah can, where?

But thats not the point i wanna story here.

Once.. i asked him suddenly, why you want to annoy me when i need your help the most? Why you keep doing stuff that piss me off when its totally a wrong time to do so? Just why? You make me laugh when i was so depress, you make that silly face expression (sengal) when i was so sad. Why dude why?

Hahaha. His answer was priceless. I never thought this will come out from his mouth.

He said,

Fi, aku nak kau jadi kuat macam aku. Aku bukan buat ni saja-saja je. I wanna you to be strong like me! Even stronger than me. Hati kena kering bukan sado je. The thing is, you always think about people, Fi. Now forget about other people. Let them judge if they want to judge. Love yourself to the fullest. Care about your own self first. Be yourself, Fi. Proud of yourself. Be grateful for every moments you have, inhabit the moments! I want you to be like that. Till then, i will keep on pissing you off until one moment comes, when you dont even care lagi dah.

Kalau orang kutuk kita, we should kutuk diri kita lagi teruk. Dont ever defend ourself. Let it be. Its you who know yourself the very best, Fi. Bukan orang lain.

 I was so shocked when he said things like that. He never treat me like that one la. Because hes crazyh and silly. But yeah haha so nice of you la.

I just remember theres a time we sing songs together in the car, scream over the silly Waze Apps, yell on the apps, laugh at other people like mad, laugh at the McDonald's staff when he said salam tarawikh hahahaha and maki that Maybank staff haha. Theres a time when we eat a lot like crazyh, time when i feel like so silly when i make some jokes but you didnt laugh! Pity me hokey! Time when you lie to me and yeah i believe all the silly lies you told me. Geeezzzzzzz!! Haha

You know what? I am totally being myself if i hang out with this guy. Like to scream, sing out loud, laugh at people, talk loudly, being crazyhhh. This is sooooo me. I dont need to control anything nor i need to impress, just nothing. Just nothing. I am me. And he dont even care. Oh God you create such a nice fella over here.

Well i personally think..

I am, yes i am in that phase where i just dont even care anymore. Haha you did it dude!

Lets hang out again to celebrate! Haha

I am so happy for what i am, who i am today. Alhamdulillah God is so good to me. Allah is the greatest of all. The best planner of all. Alhamdulillah.

Been ages since the last write up. I forgot how to write actually. But now im thinking to slowly and gracefully start to write some manuscript and send them to any publication yang accept my write up la. Lets have some great title in the list first before going any further. And yeah, i would like to be anonymous writer.

So to the one who had helped me a lot when i was at the lowest peak of my life, thank you so much  Lol i shouldnt say thanks pun since you always annoy me with your jokes, white lies haha.

But anyway, it does help me a lot. Looking forward to be annoyed again and again until i become the most ignorant person in the world.

Haha

Tooodles,

Fi.

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